Sex & Dating
MARRIAGE / SEX / DATING
When it comes to sex, most married Christians just do what works for them. If they have been blessed enough to have discovered something that brings satisfaction, pleasure, closeness, and climax, they most likely will continue that practice.
SEX, GOD & MARRIAGE BY J. C. ARNONLD here
In The Beginning
In the Image of God
It Is Not Good for Man to Be Alone
The First Sin
Restoring the Image of God
Sexuality and the Sensuous Sphere
The Pure in Heart
What God Has Joined Together
Marriage in the Holy Spirit
The Mystery of Marriage
The Sacredness of Sex
Parenthood and the Gift of Children
The Purity of Childhood
For Those Considering Marriage
The Service of Singleness
The Spirit of Our Age
With or Without God
Shameful Even to Mention?
The Hidden War
What about Divorce and Remarriage?
Therefore Let Us Keep Watch
SEX, GOD, & MARRIAGE BY J. C. ARNONLD here
SEX, GOD, & MARRIAGE STUDY GUIDE BY J. C. ARNOLD here
What the Bible Says About Sex!
God wants a sexually pure church and His instructions on sex in the Bible are sanity saving and life-giving. There are twenty articles giving a biblical Christian perspective on topics such as love, singleness, dating, homosexuality, same sex marriages, cloning, forgiveness in marriage, adultery of the heart, infertility, pornography, abortion, sex before marriage, prostitution, sexually transmitted disease, marrying an unbeliever and masturbation. The articles are concise solid bible teaching that I hope will help you find your way through the sexual maze. The approach is simply "what the Scriptures say about X" in a fairly plain fashion. There is a certain lack of illustration or stories and its pretty much a "just the facts " approach. By the end of each article you should have a clear idea of what the Bible says and what God's will is for Christian sexuality.
Section 1 - The Basics
This section covers the following basic topics:
1. Love - The Greatest Thing
2. Your Body Is A Temple Of The Holy Spirit
3. The Christian's Struggle With Sin
Section 2 -Singleness & Romance
This section covers the following basic topics:
1. How to be a Truly Christian Single
2. Finding A Godly Husband Or Wife
3. Why You Should Not Marry An Unbeliever
4. Romance - a Christian View
5. Sex Before Marriage, Prostitution and STD's 6. Masturbation
Section 3 - Cloning And Abortion
This section covers the following issues:
1. Cloning: Has Science Gone to Far?
2. When Does Life Begin?
3. Six Answers As to Why Abortion is Nearly Always Wrong.
Section 4 - Problems Within Marriage
This section covers the following issues:
1. Adultery of the Heart
2. Married People Must Learn To Forgive
3. Infertility - Couples who Can't Have Children
Section 5 - Controversial Issues:
This section covers the following issues:
1. What the Scriptures say on Homosexuality
2. Biblical Response to Same - Sex Marriages
3. Pornography - Why Christians Should take a Stand
4. Sex in Advertising
Biblical Pre-Martial Counselling
Introduction Counseling by itself and by its very nature is a Christian concept because our Lord Jesus Christ Himself is Counselor, and so His Word, the Bible, becomes the source of His counsel. It is imperative that in pre-marital counseling, the human counselor should look to Him and His Word for instruction.
Why the Need for Pre-marital Counseling
God says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6a). We also have the wise words of Solomon on the importance of counseling, “Without counsel purposes are disappointed (or frustrated): but in the multitude of counselors they are established” (Proverbs 15:22). And yet too often many couples have entered this sacred institution, marriage, without due consideration of its seriousness. For it is “not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God, duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained.” This is what we hear declared by the officiating minister whenever we witness a church wedding.
So, don’t rush headlong into marriage. Consult God and pray earnestly before making that serious commitment. How true the saying, “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.” J Allan Petersen, in his preface to the book Before You Marry, writes:
“No sane person would ever leap blindfolded over an unknown cliff with nothing but a hope that it would prove to be a good decision. No wise person would commit himself to life in a strange land without knowing something about what to expect and the difficulties he would inevitably face. No one foolishly commits himself to play a game without knowledge of the rules that determine its success or failure. Yet millions of young men and women take these same unbelievable risks when it comes to marriage. They feel their marriage will somehow be happier than most marriages they have observed. But they have no valid reason to expect it...”
“It is no surprise then that the highest incidence of divorce is found in the below-25 age group... Wives under 20 are involved in almost half of all divorces recorded yearly.” In America it has been estimated that more than one million marriages end in divorce every year. What a staggering figure! In our tiny island republic one out of ten ends in the divorce courts. But this is not what God intended and ordained it to be. Marriage is a permanent relationship as attested by the words of our Lord Jesus,
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6b, Mark 10:9). It is also intended to be a harmonious partnership:
“And they twain shall be one flesh” (Matthew 19:6a, Mark 10:8a). Furthermore, it is for spiritual companionship: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3).
What is Christian Marriage?
It may be defined as the union of one Christian man to one Christian woman for life. But my favorite definition is this one: Christian marriage is “a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death.” In a Christian marriage, “the dependence is mutual, the obligation reciprocal, and the dependence on God, absolute.” At the heart of marriage is companionship, communion and consummation. God’s blueprint for marriage involves Leaving, Cleaving and Becoming One Flesh. The husband and wife relationship is the closest, the most intimate of all human relationships for it is likened to the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
The Role of the Husband in Marriage
The husband is the head of the wife and the home. This is the constituted order which God Himself ordained. Here headship is not in the sense of being “the boss of the show,” nor does it mean that his is “the master’s voice” in all matters, but in the sense of being a spiritual leader, directly in responsibility to God who is your Head. The husband is to show deference to his wife as the weaker but not an inferior partner. She is her husband’s equal in the grace or gift of life (I Peter 3:7). The husband’s role is to provide and protect the family: to give strength, support, stability and security. Unhappy is the home where authority and control are assumed by the wife because this is against God’s injunction. Many are the blessings when God’s order is obeyed. Billy Sunday once said, “If you want your wife to be an angel, don’t treat her like the devil.”
The Role of the Wife in Marriage
The wife is the heart of the home. She has a high and holy calling and that is one of loving submission to her husband as the Church submits to Christ. The apostle Paul declares, “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be unto their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, I Peter 3:1,2).
“Was there ever a time when the true church felt that it did not want to be subject to Christ? Was there ever a time when Christ, the Head of the church, ruled and governed His flock like a ruthless tyrant? Has there ever been a time when you, as a Christian, have felt that Christ dealt with you in a loveless, unjust manner? Has there ever been a time when in obeying Christ you were made to feel like a dog obeying his master? Of course, the answer is no. The whole relationship is one of limitless love and not of tyranny and domination.” O W Toelke
In the words of A McClaren, “No wife ever had a satisfactorily wedded life who did not look up to and reverence her husband.” The Word of God says, “...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16b). In other words, she is to be helpful and responsive to every reasonable request of her husband.
Six Vital Secrets for a Happy Marriage
1. Put God first in everything.
The apostle Paul’s counsel is,
“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (I Corinthians 10:31). See also Matthew 6:33.
2. Seek reconciliation at once.
Remember love will not prevent misunderstandings or quarrels. Because we are human, seldom is husband or wife completely right or completely wrong. Any misunderstandings or quarrels should be settled immediately, on the same day they occur before going to bed at night.
“...let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).
Be humble enough to say, “I was wrong” followed closely by “I am sorry.” James says,
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another” (James 5:16). A successful marriage requires two sincere forgivers who can accept and forgive as God accepts and forgives us.
3. Be steadfast in love.
It is said that a successful marriage requires “falling in love many times BUT ALWAYS WITH THE SAME PERSON.” The husband should love his wife with the same selfless and sacrificial love that Christ has so demonstrated on the Cross for His Church. The wife is to respond in the same manner. It is said that marriage is a two-way street of consideration and cooperation. It is founded upon kindness, selfless devotion and consideration. Great happiness is made up of little kindnesses. Lack of consideration and appreciation is a great divisive factor in marriage. “Nag people and they sag; believe in people and they bloom.” Another good reminder which I find very appropriate is from a poem from Margaret Sangster which runs like this:
We have careful thought for the stranger, But oft for our own, The bitter tone, Though we love our own the best.
4. Preserve the bond of marriage.
Preserve this unity at all costs. It is the gracious design of the Architect of marriage that the married couple remain faithful to each other and to God whatever the circumstances.
“And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:8,9).
5. Keep private matters private.
The wedded couple should endeavor to keep certain matters to themselves and within the confines of their newly established home, “a sacred citadel of exclusiveness where no prying eyes or gossiping tongues are permitted.
” Even the Lord our God keeps His own secrets, but what He has revealed concerns us and our posterity (Deuteronomy 29:29).
6. Establish a mutual trust in money matters.
Always keep in mind that whatever you possess comes from the loving hand of God. You are merely stewards entrusted with whatever God is pleased to bestow upon you.
“But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that give th thee power to get wealth” (Deuteronomy 8:18a).
O W Toelke has some pertinent points pertaining to the management of family finances:
Most frequently difficulties arise in the family finances when there is too great a disparity in the financial backgrounds of the marriage partners. Two people, even husband and wife, with different sets of financial values, and different attitudes toward money, can very readily disagree on how money is to be used. What one regards as a luxury, the other may consider a necessity. In order to avoid difficulties in the administration of the family funds, some very basic concepts should be resolved upon at the very beginning of the marriage.
Whether you are going to pool your resources in a joint bank account or keep a separate account, you know best and you need to come to an agreement from the outset. From my own experience, it is good to have a certain amount that one can use freely as one sees fit.
What is Dating?
The concept of dating varies from culture to culture. Dating may be defined as “a special kind of friendship between two people of the opposite sex that may lead to courtship, love and marriage.”
For young people who are still schooling or under training, they do not generally date acquaintances. How then would young people get to know one another? It is through group dating. Group dating is one in which a small group of those closer to you is chosen from among a large group of common friends. Group dating provides you with opportunities to learn about one another through communication both verbal and non-verbal.
It is through group dating that you learn to cultivate manners and learn how to give and take, how to conduct yourself in company and to enjoy the company of the opposite sex without being too involved emotionally with one person. Hence group dating offers you opportunities to grow socially in the right way. Many social activities can be arranged such as picnics, fishing, concert going, eating, attending fellowship meetings, etc.
Many a boy-girl relationship instead of being “just be friends” relationship prematurely becomes a single dating relationship, that is, they become lovers before becoming friends. This is infatuation and not true love.
Difference Between Infatuation and True Love
Infatuation is likened to a passing cloud, now here, gone later. Many people can be infatuated with more than one person at the same time: And it is characteristic of teenagers. It is based mainly on physical appearance. It is like the “real thing” to you when you are in it. However, when an infatuated person discovers more of the other party, the feelings often disappear as fast as they appeared. Many are turned off and scared away when the other party responds. It is love of emotion. It is “being carried away by unreasoning passion or attraction” (Webster). Love, on the other hand, is different. When a person is in love, he learns to accept and love the other person more as time goes by. Love lasts and progresses gradually and deeply; and there is understanding and acceptance.
Time brings two people in love closer together, rather than separates them as in the case of infatuation: out of sight, out of mind. A person in love is not bound by chains of anxiety or jealousy. The other party is free to be herself or himself. This does not happen to an infatuated person. True love is giving, not taking. Infatuation is a selfish and possessive emotion. This love of emotion can cause you to be infatuated with someone, for example, a Hollywood film star you don’t even know, and have never met. Genuine love is “a growing experience, based on mutually shared interests, beliefs, attitudes and goals.”
When are you Old Enough to Date and How?
This varies from individual to individual. Some manifest maturity and responsibility earlier than others of the same age. Readiness for dating therefore does not depend solely on chronological age but rather on one’s values, one’s maturity, and one’s understanding of the main purpose of dating which is to develop close friendship. It is not to practice your sex technique and petting skills. Keep yourself pure by taking heed to God’s Word:
1. Be sure to walk in God’s appointed way.
“My son, forget not my law: but let thine heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: so shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man” (Proverbs 3:1-4).
2. Trust in the Lord, acknowledge Him in all your ways.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil” (Proverbs 3:5-7).
3. Listen to parental instruction for your own good.
“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother. For they shall be ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck” (Proverbs 1:8-9). Because of their experience, wisdom and knowledge, God can use parents to guide their children in their dating relationships. Parents, it must be realized, do have the benefit of objectivity.
4. Honour and obey your parents.
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
5. Exercise self-control.
There is a time for everything. To be self-controlled is to do everything in its proper time. These are words of wisdom from king Solomon (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4). Self control is one of the virtues of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Paul’s advice to young Timothy was to “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace....” (II Timothy 2:22).
6. Don’t be yoked with an unbeliever.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people” (II Corinthians 6:14-16).
How to Stay out of Trouble
Ninety per cent of your temptations on a date will be overcome if you remember and practice two simple guidelines:
a. You will have problems being excited by a look, since most of your prime temptation will come visually; so guard your eyes. Keep a “Job’s covenant,” and you will keep the doorway to your mind and emotions.
b. You will give a girl a problem by touch, so keep your hands to yourself! If you take care of your eyes and hands, you will not be burned on a date.
a. You are going to give a guy problems by the way you dress, so watch it! Don’t dress to stir lust in your boyfriend; dress as if you were going to be ushered into Heaven right on your date, and Jesus will not be ashamed of you. Help keep him from temptation by the right clothes (I Timothy 2:9-10).
b. Keep a “hands off” attitude with your date. It may be hard to say “No” but you must. No heavy necking or petting can develop this way. If your boyfriend does’t understand because he does’t want to understand, repeat it a couple of times, then use this “emergency” prayer:
Extend your free hand from your shoulder, pull it back behind you, then offer up a quick petition thusly: “Lord, give me strength for this task!” Then slap him hard! If he does’t think your action was very scriptural, show him Ecclesiastes 9:10 - “Whatsoever thy hand fadeth to do, do it with all thy might.”
A Daily Bible Method Reading of the Bible Done Successfully here
(Bible Reading Methods, Structures of the Bible, Best Translations to Use,Where to Start )
A Daily Morning & Evening Reading Devotional Plan from Jan to Dec here
A Day Study in Stewardship by Tim Keller here
A Help to Domestic Happiness by John Angell James here
Counseling Recipes by Timothy Tow here
Counseling Recipes on Chap 7 on Pre-Marital Counseling by Timothy Tow here
Do All to the Glory of God by Watchman Nee here (Marriage, Mating, Husband & Wife, Parenthood, Friendship, Recreation, Speech, Clothing & Eating, Managing Your Finances etc.)
How to get the Most From Reading Your Bible by Thomas Watson here
The Mutual Duties of Husbands & Wives Towards Each Other by Richard Baxter here
The Widow Directed to the Widow's God by John Angell James here
The Young Man Leaving Home by John Angell James here
The scriptures are perfect, but men are fallible. I prayerfully check all of the material I put on my sites. However, I am quite capable of missing something or making a mistake. If you find anything at all on these pages that is questionable or find any links broken please contact us here.